My Dears,

How charming of you to stop by. I do hope you are here for the sole purpose of buying my book and alleviating my financial burdens while I am between husbands.

It has been terribly difficult for me since my incarceration following the death of Lord Snark. Apparently, jurors in Maine are more astute than one might imagine; none of them believed that the crocodile that devoured him "just wandered in" to our bathtub at the Bar Harbor Estate, especially in light of the receipts from Rhonda's Reptile Ranch the police found in my office.

No matter! I had a lovely time in prison, and the wisdom I dispensed in my Charm School for Repeat Offenders became a surprisingly lucrative source of income. Now I am free, and even if my ankle bracelet has kept me from leaving Elfingrot Manor, I've written down some of my most inspired remarks in The Perfect Insult For Every Occasion: Lady Snark's Guide to Common Discourtesy. I do hope you enjoy it. If you need a little preview, take a look at an excerpt or try my new Cruelty Quiz. Just keep in mind that I'm not legally responsible for your actions if you follow any of my excellent advice.

Lady Arabella Snark